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gilgamesh rex

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October 6th, 2007

06:55 am: woah!
i really should start sleeping at normal hours again. i love sunrises, but its better in the summer when i can watch them AND feel my hands!

that being said,the sunrise is a beaut this morning. i wish i had coffee to enjoy it with, but only Rod Stewart has decided to keep me company. As a rule, i despise this man, but this song just has something to it. I'm such a sap.

gonna make it a t-shirt before bedtime. which may not be for a bunch of hours.

Current Location: the curb
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Young Turks-Rod Stewart

June 2nd, 2007

02:45 am: if anyone i used to know wants to hang out, i dont wanna hang out with you. but mostly only if all you talk about is a) old shit from back in the days or b) how college is going for you. i dont fucking care, and i feel like even more of a fuckup because your parents are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on higher education whilst mine spent my college fund on rehab and now i have to steal books and work shit jobs so i can have fun on the cheap. fuck all of you shiny future-graduates, i hope they outsource your post-college job to bangladesh.

Current Mood: nauseatednauseated

August 29th, 2006

02:56 pm: there was a house with white stucco walls that i found in my youth and she was happy and sunny and dirt under my nails told me holes were the magic.
i miss digging swimming holes in the garden.

i found a snake once in a hole.
it was dead, all white and green and evil in my hand. and my parents screamed and told me it was bad and threw it in the trashcan because it was bad. i didnt understand. it couldnt hurt me anymore.

the props changed every three years or so, but the same plot played itself out over and over and over again. i had a dream last night that i barely remember. i think i was fucking leona helmsly in the ass, and i dont even know who she is. i just knew it was her. my headphones broke this morning, but im ok. theyre ok. my computer is going to get fixed because life is like that. im trying to be good and im not bad but i dont know how to be good, i dont know if i want to be good.

i just wish i could go back to the summer garden in my third or fourth year and my tiny just for me tools that my dad bought me, they made me feel like a big boy and thats all i want is to feel like a big boy. i had a big boy mug and a big boy desk and big boy tools and they made me feel really important, like i was gonna be somebody.

i coulda been a contender, i suppose.

i still am a contender, actually, just for something completely different. something less golden, something approaching normalcy. i dont want a nine-to-five but i respect those who rock it five days a week. them and the immigrants doing the dirty work make the world go round.

my purpose is showing itself to be recording the world turning through my cracked perspective. i'm really glad ive found this out. i just need to figure out how to do it very very very well now.

well now.


i hope.

August 11th, 2006

04:40 pm: hi
i really wish i had a spittoon in my house.

Current Music: Industrial Revolution - Immortal Technique

July 28th, 2006

02:11 pm: yeah
my roommates refuse to battle me in halo2. the reason they give is that theyre tired of getting their fucking faces pwnd for five gold every time.

dont fuck with gilgamesh rex. just wait till i start playing cs again.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Gut Feeling / (Slap Your Mammy) - Devo

July 9th, 2006

10:43 am: hello
click here to rock the fuck out.

Current Music: Dreams (Happy Talk) - Dizzee Rascal

January 11th, 2006

11:24 am: running after a leaving train
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Current Mood: goodbye

January 9th, 2006

03:03 pm: goodbye for now
on wednesday, january eleventh, i leave once again for a rehab facility.
goodbye for now everyone. thank you for everything you have given me. i love some of you.
I thought I felt your shape but I was wrong,
really all I felt was falsly strong.
I held on tight and closed my eyes,
it was dumb, I had no sense of your size.

It was dumb to hold so tight.
But last night on your birthday in the kitchen,
my grip was loose, my eyes were open.
I felt your shape and heard you breathing,
I felt the rise and fall of your chest.

I felt your fall,
your winter snows,
your gusty blow,
your lava flow.
I felt it all:
Your starry night,
your lack of light.
With limp arms I can feel most of you.

I hung around your neck independently
and my feeling of loss was overwhelemed
by this new depth I don't think ive ever felt.

But I don't know...
my nights are cold.
November warmth,
I could have sworn
I wasn't alone.

Current Mood: sorrow

January 7th, 2006

08:29 pm: i do this whenever anyone else does it. sometimes.

No matter how random, revealing, rude, or pointless
I promise to answer them 100% truthfully
Repost this to see what others ask you...

Current Mood: not drinking
Current Music: cake

January 4th, 2006

05:13 pm: Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Current Mood: faded
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